In need of mental help

After my run saturday I went home and looked at my times. I ran a solid 7:30 pace and it felt easy, so why cant I do this in a race? I went home to look at my race times and I realized that my 5K and 10K split in the marathon were faster than my 5K and 10K splits in the half marathon and almost even with a couple of 5Ks and 10Ks I have run recently. And one of my Olympic Triathlons, my 10K had a clocked in at a 6:50 pace, so what is my problem? I know I am never going to be a super fast runner, but I obviously can run faster than I have been and everything I can see points to a mental block in running races. I started to think back to when I was doing competition by myself, and other than Triathlons and running, my most recent solo competition was swimming. I rarely lost a race. Granted the competition was not too steep, but there were some college swimmers recruited out of our clubs so it wasn’t all bad. Part of the reason I always won was genetics. I have a torso that goes on forever, a wingspan of someone a half foot taller than me, feet and hands that rival the size of some ex boyfriends and legs that are as big around as they are long (hence the fact that I will never be a fast runner). Plus my mom was a swimmer and threw me in the pool before I could walk, and to this day I dont want to get out of the water when I get in. The other reason (other than training) that I rarely lost, is that every time I stepped on the starting block I knew there was noone else who had a chance of beating me. I remember this feeling even when I was much younger. No matter how far behind I was at the last turn, I had the confidence that I could always make up the distance.

Now when I race in a running event I never have the confidence that I am going to do well. I actually just hope to finish the race (even in the really short ones). I look at my training times and know I can go much faster than I am going but every time I race I freak out and pull back thinking I will never be able to finish, then at the finish I have so much left in the tank that I sprint past everyone and could keep going. I need to remember that confidence I had in the pool, and know that I can do better. Even though I am not a natural runner, I have worked hard and trained hard and have proven that my times can be much much better. So my goal for races these next two sundays is to go to the starting line with that same confidence I used to have regardless of the outcome of the race.
Here I am about to race, monkey arms in the air. I never was able to manage goggles on swim team, they always fell off when I dove in.

Bonus photo my mom found. Clearly I am ready to kick ass in the relay. I have no clue what I am looking at, but I am pretty sure I still make that same face today.